Stuck on the Floor (Why You Can't See the Better Option)

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Hey there, I'm Jess Webber,, and welcome back to Big Ideas Made Simple.

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Everything on this show comes back to my one thing getting the right knowledge tools

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or resources into your hands so that the thing you're building can make

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a real impact. Today, I wanted to start with the shower.

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You heard me. You know how when you've been stuck on something for days a decision,

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a problem, a piece of work.

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That will just not come together the way that you envisioned it.

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And you've sat at your desk or made a list,

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then a better list, then a list about the list,

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and yet nothing is happening. Then you're standing in the shower,

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shampoo in your hair, thinking about something completely different

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or nothing at all. And the answer just hits you.

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It shows up. Or you're driving and somewhere between the second stoplight

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and the on ramp.

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it just like falls into place and everything makes sense in your life.

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Or my favorite, the one that happens to me the most frequently,

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at 3 a.m. when you're supposed to be asleep,

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you wake up like you've been hit with a bolt of lightning and your brain just hands

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you the exact idea that you would have paid a lot of money for to have a 2 p.m.

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I guarantee that everybody who listens to this episode or that you share

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it with has something like this happen to them regularly.

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And so I wanted to talk about why the good thinking shows

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up when you're washing your hair or driving your car or dreaming,

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and not when you're sitting at your desk in a time block ready to work hard.

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Now, I'm not a neuroscientist,

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even though I do have a master's in brain-based education.

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And so I wanted to speak to this as plainly as I could from watching it happen

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in my own world and that of others.

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But what I'm seeing is that when you are pushing hard on something,

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every bit of your attention is going towards the act of pushing.

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And so there's no room left for anything else.

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Including the answer that you're searching for.

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The answer needs space to be able to show up.

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And that's what today's episode is about.

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I wanted to talk about what it feels like when you are stuck on the floor

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and you can't see a better option.

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So, like I said,

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this idea, I've been sitting with it for probably a week,

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but it's come up in conversations a lot over the last.

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month or so and I figured it was time to make an episode about it.

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I had a call a few weeks back with somebody who was very influential in

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one of my past lives and past industries.

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And he was asking me a lot of questions about my Make Time Matter keynote.

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And one of his questions was why does this feel so revolutionary to the audiences?

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Like why do you feel like you have to give this keynote when it seems so

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Common sense. And as we were talking about it,

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he said something that I haven't forgotten.

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He he said that he's seeing how much of a difference there

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is between having knowledge and having understanding on things.

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And he's exactly right.

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You can know something and still not understand it or implement it.

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You can have all the information in the world and not be able to use any of it.

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And, you know, we were laughing about the idea that.

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Common sense doesn't feel common,

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but I told him why I believe that's the case.

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And it takes me back to that education degree and Maslow's hierarchy of needs,

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which is something I reference way too frequently inside I Love Coaching,

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but it makes sense to me. When people are at the bottom of his pyramid,

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they are trying to fulfill their base needs.

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They don't have the ability to look up and think bigger.

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They don't have aspirations of growth or personal development.

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They are literally trying to make ends meet,

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put food on the table, that kind of thing.

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So it's not that they're lacking common sense or information or even intelligence.

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They're lacking capacity. They're lacking room.

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And I think this really matters for today because it's related

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to every every conversation that we have to make.

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When someone makes what looks like a really bad call,

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we will call it a bad decision.

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But a lot of times, if you go back and look at it,

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they picked the best option that they could see in the moment.

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There was a better option sitting there,

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but they literally could not view it,

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could not visualize it. And so if you look at that,

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you can see that it's not really a decision problem.

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It's a problem of being able to filter or tell things apart.

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The fancy word for this is discernment,

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and I'll use it probably in this episode a couple of times,

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but all it means is being able to see the difference between one thing

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and another and then making the best decision between those options.

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And so last week we talked about the highest and best filter,

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which is the question of what this person most needs from you right now.

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And then letting everything else kind of fall away.

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And that filter is a really solid tool.

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It comes with a requirement, though,

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that I didn't think about saying out loud on last week's episode.

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So to run a filter, you have to be able to see more than one option.

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You have to hold a couple of things up next to each other and tell which

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one is better for you. If you have blinders on or

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Are stuck and you can only see one thing,

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then there's nothing to filter,

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and you're just saying yes. Being able to see more than one thing is

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not the same for every human. And it's not about your intelligence level.

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I mean, I've watched brilliant people miss the obvious thing for months.

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I missed the obvious thing for years at times.

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But

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In hindsight, it's literally about where you're standing when you look.

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Like I said, I wanted to talk about Maslow's hierarchy of needs because it's such

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a visual tool that explains so much for me.

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he's got a pyramid, there's five levels on it.

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The basic bottom one is food, water,

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shelter, safety. Then it goes up to like belonging socially.

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And then confidence and respect.

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And then at the top is like your growth,

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development, and self-actualization or purpose.

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So you can hear simple, basic at the bottom to that growth professional development,

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self-awareness thing at the top.

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And literally inside I Love Coaching,

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we did a seven-part series on this.

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And I drew it as a mountain because when you're a coach,

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you're trying to help your clients climb a mountain that you've already climbed.

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And I'll link it in the show notes,

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but you can go listen to that series if you want,

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go see my visual on it. ~ it's all at I lovecoachingco.com slash maslow.

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But the key here is that I'm thinking of that pyramid today,

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that triangle, that whatever that I jokingly say I'm gonna get a tattoo of,

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as the the space in which we have to live and

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use our abilities to discern.

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And if you are on the bottom level,

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if you are at the bottom of the pyramid,

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the bottom of the mountain, you're on the floor.

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I don't care what visual it is,

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it's the floor. And that's where you're standing on,

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or if you don't even have the capacity,

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you're maybe laying on. And that's what gets left out.

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The floor, isn't just where your needs are met,

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but it's also where your attention is.

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When you're working hard to keep.

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the basic things handled in your life and for those around you too,

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potentially, your focus is very narrow.

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It's in that one level. And that's normal.

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Your brain is doing its job. It's narrowing it down to what's right in front

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of you the most immediate needs.

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And basics don't have to be literal.

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I mean it could be rent or groceries,

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but it also means keeping all of the plates spinning for

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the humans you're responsible for.

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Keeping up

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With the people in a group or a team.

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I mean, even just keeping your head above water.

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So you could be doing really well on paper,

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but still be living on the floor.

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And if you're grinding through daily survival,

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like tasks of work or tasks of life,

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then you're probably not having a lot of leftover room and your brain

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is sitting on that floor. Bank account numbers are not what I'm talking about here.

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When your focus is stuck in that low-level space,

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then of course you can't see above.

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You can't see better options. And it's not that you're failing.

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You are not failing. It's just that your view is so narrow.

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When someone gets the room to breathe,

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they get to go up a level, or if you even want to think of it as a ladder,

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a rung.

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You start to give yourself more space,

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which then allows you to see different perspectives.

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You can start to look at the same problem from multiple angles.

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And when you have the ability to look at something from different perspectives,

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you suddenly have the ability to filter.

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You can discern which one looks good and which one doesn't.

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And you can build your own rules for how you're going to choose.

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I mean, truly, that's what a filter is.

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It's the set of rules you make for yourself based on what you've learned

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and what matters to you. So when you're grinding,

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it takes away that space, that room for perspective.

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And without without it, nothing else can happen.

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There's no second side. There's no telling things apart.

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There's no looking at more than one thing.

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So your rules don't matter. You end up just reacting to whatever's right

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in front of you.

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And that's why the hardest worker in the room is often making

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the most reactive decisions. It's not that they're careless,

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it's that they don't have the space.

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So let's go back to showers, because hopefully this makes a little more sense now.

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When you are washing your hair or driving or doing dishes,

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your hands know what to do. It's automatic.

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It takes little to no attention and little to no brain space.

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But that little tiny bit of occupied attention gives the pushing part

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of your brain something to do.

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And so it lets go of the big thing and allows you freedom to think,

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to see another angle. And so your brain finally actually gets enough of

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a break to have the ability to do something different than what

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you were forcing focus on earlier.

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And let's face it, at 3 a.m., nobody's asking for anything,

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or they better not be. That pushing part completely clocked out,

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and the rest of your brain gets the ability to do what it needs to do.

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So that's the thing that most people miss.

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Those moments are not random. They're what happens when you accidentally create

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the conditions. The problem is that people only create those conditions by accident.

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If your best thinking only happens when you're not actually thinking,

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whether it's the shower or the car or 3 a.m.,

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then right now you're depending on a system of luck.

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You're not being intentional. And I know I'm not the first person who's thought

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of this. A lot of these ideas came from my reread of Greg McCown's book,

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Essentialism.

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And it's about how you tell the vital fuel thing,

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the vital few things from the trivial many.

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And so while I was reading this week,

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the chapter on play stood out.

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And it's backing up everything that I just said.

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When you're in focus mode or productivity mode,

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your executive function is operating at its max,

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its peak.

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And you're using everything you have just to push.

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And I'm gonna tell you right now that your best stuff does not come when

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you are pushing. It comes when you're releasing tension and letting

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go just a little. I know that I personally have found a great way that I

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can do this for myself is through reading.

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I am a elder millennial, so I'm the product of,

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you know, the Harry Potter, Twilight,

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all the shenanigans series, but I still,

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I've never stopped reading, which I'm grateful for.

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So somewhere between the two and 300 books I read in a a year,

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I would guess at least 80% of those are in the fiction or even fantasy realm.

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And people are like, my gosh, you read so much.

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And you know, how do you do that and do you retain it?

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And I get all kinds of questions.

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But the reason that I love to read is that those books let my brain decompress.

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They're the shower space, the drive space,

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the sleep space, but intentionally and on purpose.

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And I am so convinced that that's a big part of why my thinking works

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the way it does when I sit down to actually do work.

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Because I've given

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The freedom to play, the freedom to have creativity,

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much more so than I did back in the days when I would sit there and try

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to grind it out and then exhaust myself,

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and then I would keep trying to grind later on because I hadn't hit the deadline,

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and I just ended up burned out instead.

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And so, again, those those ideas on the freedom of play and the power

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of play to create discernment.

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That all comes from McCown, but what I'm I I keep dwelling on is the fact that

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I keep seeing this show up in the worlds that I work in and the people that

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I work with. Being able to tell good from bad is not just the skill that

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you have to learn, but it's also dependent completely on where your head

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is when you're trying to exercise and use that skill.

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Let's take this back to an example I've already given on the show.

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But I when I was building my lead magnets made simple class,

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you know, the the first time through I hit a wall writing the curriculum.

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I considered it a minimum viable build.

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And then I sat with it for a while.

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And I told this story, like I said on the previous episode,

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of actually changing everything less than two hours before because

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I gave myself the space to think about it,

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consider it, and look at it from a different angle.

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And I bet you've done something similar if you think about your history

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or your past.

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As long as you've given yourself permission to take space and not just stuck with

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your nose to the grindstone 24-7 for the entirety of your life.

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So

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A lot of times when you're building something or creating something,

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you know what you need to do next.

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You can feel it, but you can't make it happen.

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And that's why I think so many people end up grinding or sitting

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and staring at their desk longer or rewriting the same thing four times.

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But yet most of the time when you push harder,

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it makes everything that you've built less valuable,

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lower quality, stiffer even.

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What worked for me in building that class was the opposite.

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I stopped forcing it, I set it aside,

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I went and worked on other things,

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let my brain wander, and then came back.

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When I came back, I could see it in a different way.

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It wasn't that I suddenly read a bunch of books or did a bunch of research.

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I didn't get smarter or gain more information.

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I just wasn't standing on the floor anymore trying to create,

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and I had given myself the space and freedom.

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Sometimes resets are not tasks.

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Sometimes they're a conversation with a person and they ask a question.

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Sometimes it's an idea from some other form of medium.

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It's okay to know that you can get perspectives outside of your own brain.

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And use them to strategically discern the next step for yourself.

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And so all of this is not about just like getting unstuck specifically

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on curriculum, and that's not what the last episode was about either.

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But it shows up all the time for me.

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I mean, I've been working on the structure of the offer with Adam that

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I love coaching has, and we've been talking through options for weeks.

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And, you know, I'm sure that Adam he,

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I mean, he hasn't said this, but I I would bet that this is probably driving

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him crazy because he's such a fast thinking,

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quick start human. But we needed space to talk through it.

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We needed space to consider the elements.

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We needed space.

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Because the first version of an idea is usually a reaction to an emotion.

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The second version after you give it some space and room to breathe is

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the one that usually holds up a little better.

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And now because we took that time and space and didn't just react.

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I get to enact a really strategic plan that actually feels good.

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So it's the same thing as the curriculum,

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just bigger. Different people,

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different businesses, but all of them real with real stakes.

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And if I had forced a decision in either one and picked the first thing,

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then I wouldn't have gotten to where I am now.

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That's what I want you to hear from this.

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The floor.

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tends to make the first thing look the best.

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And it's not usually the case.

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I, of course, have been considering how can you,

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the listener, do a floor check to make sure that you yourself

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are not always saying yes to the only option that's in front of you.

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Here's the the quick tool and it just is a couple of questions that take

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a few minutes to think through.

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Question one is this. Am I on the floor right now?

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And be honest with yourself. Is most of my attention going towards keeping something

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from falling apart? Am I reacting or do I have the freedom of choice?

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And if you are,

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then you know the decision in front of you is being made for you,

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not by you. The second question is:

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what is my reset? Not

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What should it be? But what is it for you?

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It could be a shower, it could be a drive,

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it could be a book or a walk or the dishes or drawing,

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building Lego with your kid. I don't care.

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For me, I told you it's it's books.

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You need something that gives that pushing part of your brain a break.

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If you don't have one, go find it.

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Go pick one.

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Cause you need to use this as a tool to get the things done that you want

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to get done. Thirdly, I need you to figure out what is your second angle.

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And I would challenge you to find a who.

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So who could you talk to that sees things differently than you?

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I think a lot of people skip this one,

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especially when they're quick start,

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fast thinkers, because they just want to get it done.

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When they have the vision, they go do the thing.

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But perspective.

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from one good conversation can change the trajectory of what you might have built

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in a silo by yourself over weeks.

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That's it. That's the reset. I need you to go ask the questions.

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Where are you standing? Where are you gonna let go?

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Where's your reset? And who's gonna help give you another perspective?

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Notice what those questions don't do.

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I'm not telling you to go solve the problem.

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I'm asking you to fix your perspective because the problem usually looks different

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when you look at it from a different direction.

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And some of you are probably thinking,

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this sounds really nice, but I don't have time for this,

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or I already do that and I'm still stuck.

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And I hear you, but I would guarantee that the grinding that you

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are currently doing is costing you.

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If you are on a floor,

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You are putting your best effort into the narrowest thinking.

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And that is the most expensive way to work.

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Space is not the opposite of getting things done.

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It's what points the work in the right direction.

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And if you have a fast, busy, overloaded,

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overwhelmed brain like most of you probably do,

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it's not a lack of discipline.

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You may have plenty of it. That's what got you there in the first place.

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What you need is a way to stop holding on and gripping tightly to that

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one angle that you've been stuck on for I don't know how long.

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Please, go protect your space before you protect your schedule.

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A full calendar with no room to think is just a very organized way to stand

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on the floor. Most of the time you do not have a decision problem,

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you have a perspective problem,

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and it comes from where your feet are planted.

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Get off the floor, take the shower,

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take the drive, read the book,

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call the person. Give your brain the opportunity to see something differently.

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And then go make the choice. From the perspective of options,

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the choice is not hidden. Give the part of your brain that sees differently

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a turn to work and then choose.

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From there, the better option isn't hidden.

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It was it was truly there the whole time.

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You just couldn't see it from your original perspective.

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As always, if this episode landed for you,

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I would love to hear about it.

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Connect with me on all the socials at the Jess Webber,,

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double S Double B, and tell me where your best ideas show up for you.

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I would love to hear from you.

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And if you want the next simple step,

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my beat guide.

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on how to how to leverage your time and take that pause can

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be found at beat.bigideasmade simple dot com.

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Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you next week.